Find Your Rock

I had put on my bookbag and was just about to walk out the door to go study in a nearby coffee shop when I received a text from a good friend I had made while studying in Prague.

“Jamo, Izzie and I are at the Botanical Gardens and you could do homework on this rock we found,” it read.

At first, my heart fell. I had just finished a long shift at work and felt pressed to get the ball rolling on LSAT prep as soon as possible, but just as I was about to pass on the offer, I stopped myself.

It seemed ridiculous that I would actually consider passing up such a cute and heartwarming offer for something like preparing for a standardized test. But at the same time, it’s so...me. I get such horrible tunnel vision sometimes that I forget to take the time for basic means of self-care, even if that assumes the form of going to a garden with truly lovely people. Realistically, I knew that I should have jumped at the idea, but my anxiety had other plans.

“Are you guys doing homework too or just chillin?” I responded, still hesitant.

“Just chillin.” he said. “Emphasis on chillin. We are all just sitting and appreciating the day.”

And in that moment, I did something completely out of character. Before I could change my mind, I went to my car, threw my bookbag in the back seat, and began my drive to the gardens.

“I could use some Brandon and Izzie in my life right now, I’m heading your way,” I sent back.

In less than ten minutes, I was turning onto the long driveway that led into the gardens. There wasn’t a single cloud in the sky, and rays of light peaked through the limbs overhead as I made my way deeper into the property. The canopy of trees lining the long entryway was adorned with bright green leaves, with some fading into various shades of red and orange for the coming fall. By the time I parked and walked down a set of stone steps, I was completely surrounded by nature.

I was taken aback at just how beautiful it was. The cold months had not yet claimed all the vegetation, leaving everything in its dark, rich, vibrant colors. I could hear children laughing in the distance, and the sky was reflected in the small pools and ponds scattered around the property.

When I found myself reunited with my friends, we began our trek to this so-called “lovely rock” that they had been bragging about. We crossed over small land bridges, hopped over streams, and tripped over roots as we all laughed and sang songs with one another.

By the time we reached our destination, I could see why this rock was held in such high regard.

Just off of the trail was a small path that had been carved by other curious hikers. After carefully making our way to the edge, we hopped over small crevices in the rock face before landing on a flat piece of stone that came to rest over a river.

The wind was cool and the sun was warm, and I was completely enveloped in the simple beauty of the nature surrounding us. It was just us, a small group of good friends, chatting quietly in this small corner of the world. In that moment, I wasn’t thinking about the LSAT next week, or the project due by noon Saturday, or school the next day. I was in that moment, filled with gentle ease, and completely at peace.

By the time we all hugged one another goodbye and parted ways two hours later, I realized that I had very nearly almost missed out on this beautiful moment due to anxious ticks. Yes, I had spent time away from my studies, but it was time well spent and had provided a greater value than what an additional two hours of test prep could have even possibly began to give me.

It had been emotionally and mentally therapeutic. It had been necessary. It had been healthy.

And that is something that I acknowledge as being both of one of my biggest strengths and weaknesses. I oftentimes spend so much time trying to stay on top of things or get ahead or put that extra bit of studying in, that I forget that it is okay to take time for myself. It’s okay to take a step away from your responsibilities every now and then, especially if it is spent in a wholesome and fulfilling way.

Self-care is important and I feel like it is oftentimes undermined and viewed as wasteful.

Now don’t get me wrong, procrastination is definitely a thing, and I have definitely been guilty of it before. But in this instance, I had been having a mental battle with myself about accepting the offer. It had been a clash between wanting to do something and feeling as though I needed to do something else, when the latter wasn’t the case at all.

What I needed, and still need, is to be easy on myself, as well as gentle, patient, and understanding.

I go through plenty of ups and downs. These days, life is a lot like a roller coaster. But that is a given when having to experience the processes involved in applying to law schools while also juggling classes and work. But it is moments such as these that remind me of the value of good friends, taking a step away from responsibilities, and lovely rocks, of course.

It’s something I am still learning to do, but something I believe I should pass on to you. Take care of yourself. Accept that there should be a balance between a responsibility to complete work tasks, but also a responsibility to tend to your mental health.

Go out and find your rock, and let it become your safe place.